Stuff It Pretty Boy
by HarmonyMichaels
Summary: Diana is new to Ouran Academy, and with dirty mouth and punk style, she's not really making any friends. That is, until she meets he host club. Will they be able help her open her heart, or will she be abandoned again. Pairings are still undecided, but she's either going to end up with Mori, Kyoya, or Hikaru.
1. Chapter 1: Be careful who you judo flip

Well, today is my first day of school. Great, just great. After getting transferred again, I have to start a new school. A new school that I'll probably get thrown out of. Just like every other school I've ever been to. And oh, ha ha, just because I might not have mentioned it, this school is for the rich and famous, people who will look down on me no matter how hard I try to prove myself. Fucking fantastic.

"Joy oh joy" I muttered sarcastically to myself as I skated down the crumbling sidewalk that lead to Ouran Academy. You'd think that rich people wouldn't mind spending money to help others, but I guess you were wrong. This would just be another private school full of rich brats and bullies who were so much holier than thou just because their parents got a bigger paycheck. Can't wait to start the day.

Speaking of getting started, "Shit!" I was almost late for class. I muttered various obscenities under my breath as I hauled ass to the principal's office so I could get my schedule. "Class 1-a huh?" After scanning the curriculum sheet I realized had learned most of this at my last school, maybe this year won't be so bad.

Of corse just as I started feeling a little bit hopeful, lady fortune decided that this would be a particularly perfect time to kick me where the sun don't shine. As soon as I entered the classroom my eyes were drawn to two very similar looking boys, brothers maybe, doing some kind of lovey dovey crap in front of a crowd of screaming fangirls. Yup, I'm screwed, may as well start planning my funeral now. Also, do these girls know about incest, or do they just not care?

"Class, class," the teacher walked into the room and started calming down the spoiled brats "We have a new student today, her name is Diana P-"

"Just Diana is fine, teach" I interjected, no way was I going to let these lil' shits know about my family.

"Very well," Thank goodness this teacher could take a hint, I wasn't so lucky last time I went to a fancy pants academy like this one "Miss. Diana, please go sit over there by " The teacher pointed to a girl with a cute pixie cut and a purple suit thing. Maybe she wasn't as perceptive as I thought.

"Um, This… person?" I awkwardly pointed to the same girl. Maybe this was supposed to be a funny joke.

"Yes, What seems to be the problem!?" Well, guess this school can't tell a boy's face from a girls. I'll have to file that away for later. Maybe if I put my hair up and dressed like a dude I could get away with… nevermind.

As soon as that tiny disaster ended the teacher started a lecture. I put in one ear bud and was about to zone out when I noticed it. Everyone was staring at me. Well darn was there some kind of uniform. Doing a quick take I realized that I was the only one here in ripped jeans, converse, and a navy blue hoodie. All the other girls were wearing some kind of banana yellow princess dress. Crap, I guess there was a uniform, well if the principal didn't say anything then the policy wasn't enforced.

I plugged in my other earbud and began fiddling with the piercings in my left ear. I never did like being stared at. I gave a small smile when a memory suddenly flashed into my mind. I was maybe two or three, and I was at the mall with my momma. I lodged myself behind a pillar in a corner to avoid all the strangers around me. It took my momma solid hour to coax me out with promises of candy. I got a lollipop, it was blue raspberry flavored if I remembered corse that memory brought with it a twinge of pain. My mom was dead, I scolded myself, she will never come back, she is gone forever and there is nothing that I can do to get her back. My eyes began to water as I swiped at them, no point in showing any weakness here. All I'll get in responce is ridicule.

_-_-_-_- Le time Skip-_-_-_-_

Yes, School is finally out! I ran toward the music wing, maybe I would get a chance to play my violin. My excitement quickly disappeared as I realized that all the music rooms would be full. They'd be clogged with giggling ninnies getting taught stuff by their crushes, and pricks dabbling in music to get some extra credit.

Nevertheless I listened at the doors. Rooms one and two were a bust, I could hear the strangled notes of inexperienced hands on out of tune instruments before I even opened the door. I walked up to door three and put my ear against the keyhole. Blissful silence. Finally.

I opened the door and promptly choked on a shower of rose petals. I just as promptly shut the doors and tried to regain natural diaphragm movement. As soon as I began to breath I opened the door again to check if it was all a dream. It was not. I was again met with a face full of flower petals.

"What the hell is this?" I asked nobody as I watched several boys seduce women. I felt sick. These rich brats brats had so much time on there hands they could just forget about doing their homework because, of corse, if they failed their parents would pay off the school officials, and the bad grade would just vanish. Poof. Despicable. I turned toward the door and tried to open it, but some tall blond guy grabbed me by the wrist and shouted,

"Boys! We have a new guest" All of the dudes looked up and gathered around me. I noticed that the weirdo twins, and the pixie cut girl from earlier were here.

A chorus of hellos and welcome princesses echoed in my ears. I looked at the floor trying to contain a hysterical giggle. Princess, really, they think that's what girls want to be called. Suddenly I felt two fingers on my chin and the giggles died in my throat.

"Don't be shy princess!" It sounded like the dude who grabbed my wrist.

"Get off" little did this guy know I was one word away from snapping his fingers in half.

"But prince-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME!" I knew I was going to snap, but I didn't expect to snap so soon. Guess this weirdo just pressed the wrong buttons.

"Can everyone please leave the room" Huh, this guy looked eerily similar to one of my friends. Same black hair, same glasses, same face, even the same voice. The girls quickly filled out and the boys walked into an adjoining room, except the guy I screamed at, he was in some kind of emo corner. I guess the glasses guy noticed me staring. "Don't worry, Tamaki won't interfere" So that guy was named Tamaki, good to know.

"Hey glasses?"

"What!" geez, this guy seems pissed.

"Are you related to Akio Ootori?"

"Why do you ask!?" Looks like I hit a nerve. I better remember that, this guy doesn't seem to loose his chill very often.

"You're a carbon copy of the guy"

"He's… my older brother" Hmm, a pained admission, guess Akio has more family troubles then he let on. I wonder why he didn't tell me his brother went to my school. I'll need to press him for details later.

Suddenly this little midget with a bunny popped up next to me.

"Whoa, you know Kyo-kun's little brother!" Wow, that munchkin popped up out of nowhere. He looked very familiar. Where have I seen him before. Wait, that's Mitsukuni Haninozuka, martial artist extraordinaire.

"Look, I have to go" I couldn't stay here anymore, these boys would think I wanted to be a client here or something.I started backing slowly towards the door. Someone grabbed my shoulder but instinct kicked in and before I knew it I had judo flipped that sun of a gun onto a nearby table. Whoops, guess it's time to sprint.

Sprint I did. I only stopped when I was several blocks away from the school. No way will they be able to find me. Wait, I go to school there. I let out a tortured groan. They'll probably just get me when I go to school tomorrow. Well, time to accept fate, drop out of high school, and work at Mcdonalds. Sounds like a fabulous plan. I heaved an overdramatic sigh and trudged back home. Time to put on some better clothes and work off stress.

_-_-_-_- Time skip powered by Gatorade-_-_-_-_

I walked into the small apartment my father decided would be our home while in this city. I was all alone, of corse dad would immediately go to work and leave me home alone. Functional family environments are so 2015 right? I wonder if he even bothered to leave a note.

After ruffling through a few moving boxes and changing into a camo patterned tank top and some black stretch pants I began to loot the fridge for something sugary to eat. In the freezer was a gallon of ice cream with a note from dad on it.

 _Hey girlie,_

 _As you probably know I had to leave for work, I know that I promised to stay home for the first week, but I can't. I'll be payed extra for working today, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Anyways I got you this gallon of ice cream to apologize. It's mint chip, your favorite. Please don't eat it all at once. I'm going to be gone until tomorrow afternoon. If you need anything call me._

 _Forgive and forget,_

 _Dad_

You know what, tonight would be a good night to binge watch Supernatural. You know when I said work off, what I really meant was veg out. At least Pops got me bluebell instead of haagen daaz. I pulled out a spoon and began to dig in. There is no greater pleasure than eating ice cream straight from the carton on your couch while watching an amazing show. After five episodes I began to get restless. Well, eating half a gallon of pure sugar does give you a shit ton of energy.

I decided that I would go look for a street fight to participate in. Some good old fashioned head bashing ought to tire me out pretty well. I pulled on the black bomber jacket hanging on a hook near the door and stole out into the night.

_-_-_-_- Time skip because I can -_-_-_-_

Damn, have the streets always been this scary or can I just never go outside again because I watch a show where most of the kills happen to people who are out on the street alone. I'm guessing it's option number two, but you never know. I found what I was looking for a few streets down. In a semi concealed alleyway were two girls duking it out.

I watched from the sidelines for a few minutes before walking up to the shady looking dude handling the bets and asking where I could sign up. He told me to ask somebody named Sapphire about it. There was a lady in a glittery blue dress standing near the far corner of the arena. Seemed close enough to sapphire, I walked up to her slowly.

"What?" Wow, bitchy much. Least I won't have to deal with her for long, I saw a gym down the road where I could work of some stress in a healthier, more legal manner.

"I'm in for the next fight."

"What's your stage name?" All business, nice.

"Iron Dragon"

" Very well, you'll get one fourth of the bets if you win, no money if you lose. When the fight ends, it will be your turn. We typically let the audience decide what to do with the losers of a match, so if they express a wish, you need to carry it out." Standard stuff. Every street fight works this way, from America to Japan. Crazy how the rules never change much.

The fight was winding down. One of the women was hobbling around trying to avoid the muscled redhead. Guess she wasn't going fast enough though because she got body slammed against the ground and passed out. The crowd roared with approval, and the victor walked of stage. My turn now.

I stepped up onto the stage looking out at the bloodthirsty spectators below. As I surveyed the crowd the redhead from before stepped up onto the stage. We circled testing each other. The crowd began to still, getting bored. I was getting bored too, so I ran forward and gave a trio of punches to the face of my poor opponent. She tried to counter with a roundhouse kick, but I caught it and threw her back. Sadly for me, she was built like a fucking tank, so she wouldn't be taken down by a small throw.

She ran forward, but I dodged at the last minute, sending her tumbling headlong into the side of the ring. I then proceeded to repeatedly kick her in the stomach. My mistake, she grabbed my legs and tackled me to the ground. After taking a few hits to the stomach myself I kicked her in the face judo flipped her over to the ground. This time I made sure to hit the pressure points on her neck until she passed out. The crowd roared with approval

Adrenaline still buzzed in my ears as I collected my cut of the bets and jogged home. My stomach was just starting to hurt, and winced as I gently prodded at it. The good news was that I had no broken bones, the bad news was this was definitely going to bruise. Wincing as I imagined all the pain I'd be in tomorrow, I walked into the bedroom and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2: Trust your intuition

I think I hate mornings. Like specifically school day mornings. Who likes being woken up way too early to go learn boring gibberish. Not me. On top of all the normal school crap I have to put up with, I also had to go and judo flip someone in the most important club at school. That momentary lapse in judgement will definitely cause a whole butt ton of problems for me.

Well, better start the day off right. I got up and attempted to stretch. Key word attempted, as soon as my stomach moved I collapsed inward on myself, turning into a tiny ball of pain, regret, and untamed black hair. I think I had some painkillers in the medicine cabinet. As I hobbled over to the cabinet, I realized that I had fallen asleep in my clothes from last night. Gross. Taking a shower would probably be the smartest corse of action, but I don't smell horrible, so I guess It's fine. After searching around for awhile I took my pills.

Today I was going to rock a low key punk style. I pulled on a red and black plaid button up, black leather shorts, my favorite worn leather jacket, and some red vans. I pulled my hair up in a messy ponytail to disguise how tangled it was. But if anyone asks, I was totally rocking that scruffed up look. Completely intentional.

After applying some salve to my bruises, I decided that now would be a good time to call up my dad and ask if I could drive the old pickup to school. Since my dad works to protect the Japanese prime minister, he got a few strings pulled, and I got my drivers licence earlier than normal. I still have to call before I drive anywhere though.

Just as I was about to dial my dad called. Wow, talk about perfect timing.

"Hey pops, what's up"

"Just called to say that I won't be home for a week. Also, I'm going blacklist, so I won't be able to talk until I get home. Love you."

"Love you too pops. I'm going to drive to school today, is that okay"

"That's fine sweetie, just be safe." Despite the fact that my dad wasn't usually home, I could always tell he cared about me. He just had to throw himself into work to avoid all the grief that came from my mom's death. We all have our coping mechanisms.

"I will" With permission granted, I hurried over to the beat up old pickup, and tried to start it. The truck gave a few coughs and a shudder before steadying. I tried two more times with no better rection. Finally I decided that the car wasn't going to start and ran inside to grab my skateboard.

_-_-_-_- Time skip for science-_-_-_-_

After arriving at school only five minutes late, an achievement I was very proud of considering that school was pretty far away from my house. I got to class and managed to slide into my seat just as the teacher walked in. Fuck yeah. Cheating the system rocks.

I discreetly looked at, wasn't Fujioka her name, to make sure she was fine. There didn't seem to be any marks or bandages on her body, and she wasn't hunching over or wincing, so… I guess she wasn't the victim. I looked over at the brothers, they also seemed fine. Geez with my luck I flipped that Tamaki guy. I always did go for the leader of the pack.

I relaxed a bit, at least I wouldn't get confronted until after school. Actually, if I really hustled, I could probably make it home before anyone confronted me. I let a smirk work it's way onto my face. If worst comes to worst, I could always flee to France and live out a nice long life. I was abruptly snapped out of my thoughts when the teacher said:

"Miss Diana, are you paying attention?"

"Umm, Yes?" Well this is just going to be a trainwreck.

"I asked who the god of the underworld is in greek mythology" Yes. I mentally did a happy dance. I knew the answer.

"That would be Hades" The teacher gave me an impressed glance before replying.

"Correct, very nicely done" Yay! A teacher doesn't hate me. I can finally be successful in class without a teacher trying to sabotage my every answer. Sometimes I really amaze myself.

Anyways, I spent the rest of the lesson zoning out to some music. Sometimes I think that Icon for Hire are the only people who understand me. I really need to make some new friends. Speaking of friends, I still need to question Akio about the glasses guy. I also need to get the car checked out. If I want to remember all of this, I'm going to need a fucking checklist.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a light touch on my shoulder. It was Fujioka. Damn, was the lesson over already. I need to stop disappearing into my brain and pay attention to the world around me. Oh, I should probably thank her.

"Um, Thanks Fujioka. Hey, I'm sorry for flipping one of your friends onto a table"

"Just Haruhi is fine Diana, and it's okay. Tamaki doesn't really care, he didn't break anything." Hah, I knew I flipped the leader.

Okay Diana, time to stop congratulating yourself for hurting someone. Even though I'm pretty sure I looked awesome while doing it. I wonder if my hair flew majestically into the air. I do hope someone got it on camera. Wait! What am I talking about. If someone got it on camera that means I could be held accountable. God fucking dammit I need to get my priorities straight.

"So, do I need to go apologize or…" my voice trickled off

"Yeah, about that," I could practically see the sweat drop on her forehead "If you don't want to be dragged over, you should probably get going towards the club room. Tamaki senpai was going to have the twins carry you over"

"Well I'll get going, want to… walk with me or something?" Great, she'll probably say no, and then I'm going to walk awkwardly down a hallway. Good for me.

"Sure, sounds great" Haruhi walked inside to get her bag and then began the trek to music room three. Maybe I'm more charming than I thought. Guess actually making human connection pays off. Who knew.

We walked through the halls in comfortable silence. Haruhi made small talk, but I listened to my music for the most part. Mental note: See the Heathers movie, and buy tickets to the musical sometime. Maybe ask someone how it feels looking like hell on wheels. Also freeze my brain. And love my dead gay son.

We approached the door to the club, and Haruhi stepped inside. After a few moments of hesitation I followed. As soon as I walked in I got a horrible feeling. This feeling got even stronger when I saw the brothers with, wait are those stars, in their eyes. I took a shaky breath and stepped fully inside of the room.

"Well, well, well, Looks like you came after all Miss P-" It was glasses. I think that munchkin said his name was Kyoya.

"My names Diana, use it!" Well, hopefully this guy doesn't know about my family history. If I get dragged into yet another scandal, I'm going to die. Or at least, fake my death and move to France. Have I mentioned that my favorite place is France. It's pretty awesome there. Plus French is a funny language.

"Very well...Diana," This guy has a kind of shadow king look in his eyes, I hope he isn't planning some- oh who am I kidding. This guy is an Ootori, of corse he's planning something. Maybe I'll be lucky and dad will have to move soon. "You do realize that you judo flipped the head of our club. He could have been seriously injured. I hope you're prepared to pay for the consequences. The hospital bill alone was 10 million yen"

10 million yen. I definitely can't pay that off. Of corse it's all about money. Everything is nowadays isn't it. Well, seeing as this is a, wait what is this place. Well based on the shit that was going on yesterday, this is probably some kind of host club. Ouran High School Host Club, hmm, that sounds like a good name for an anime. I'd watch that. Well time to break these guys the bad news.

" Sorry glasses, but my family doesn't really have a ton of money right now. Guess I can't do anything." Well, since this a mainly male club, they probably don't need any females working here. I hope. Maybe I should send a short prayer to the lord above.

"We have prepared an option for this eventuality." God damnit, of corse they prepared for this. Why would I ever think that they'd let someone off the hook. "Since you have a background in martial arts, you can be a bodyguard for the us."

"I-I can't… I mean, I don't even know all of your names." Last ditch efforts have to count for something, right.

"Well boys, let's introduce ourselves! My name is Tamaki, Princess." It's the guy I apparently put in a hospital. Does he always call people princess?

"Hi. I'm sorry for putting you in a hospital."

"It's no problem, princess." Wow. I guess he does. The two incest brothers stepped up.

"We're Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin" So, they're twins. Is their incest thing supposed to be like a gay forbidden lovers act? Well, duh. Gosh I need to stop asking dumb questions.

"Do you know what incest is?" Well, I guess I can't stop the dumb questions. I bet no-one has ever said that to them before. Judging by their shocked faces, I'm right. While the Hitachiin's were sulking in a corner I noticed Haninozuka. "Hey Midget, is your name Haninozuka?"

"Yes! I'm Honey, this is Takashi," He pointed at a tall tan guy who I recognized as Takashi Morinozuka. "And this is Usa-Chan." He brandished a pink bunny at my face. I remember how I used to have one just like it. Suddenly a memory came shooting out of nowhere. I was five or so. It was night time. I was sitting nervously in my bed waiting for Candy, my rabbit, to come out of 'surgery'. He had a torn foot and mom was patching it up. When she walked into my room and handed me Candy, I gave a hug so hard she got bruises around her ribs. My eyes teared as I remembered mom. Why did she have to kill herself? Why did she leave me all alone?

"Diana" It was morinozuka. You know what, that name is too long. I'm calling him… Zuko. I may or may not have named him after my favorite character from Avatar: Last Airbender, but that's irrelevant.

"Um, what?" I wiped furiously at my eyes and shook my head. He just gave me a look. A look like he knew what was happening in my head. A comforting look. I turned away from him. He doesn't know what happened to me. He has no right to give that kind of look.

"My name is Kyoya Ootori, as you've probably already guessed." Indeed I had. I wonder if he's going to make the offer again " So now that you know our names, will you be our body guard" Yup, my intuition was spot on. When has it ever been wrong. Oh right, about thirty minutes ago when I assumed this shit show wasn't going to happen. My mistake.


	3. Chapter 3: Why Supernatural? Just why?

" Sure," Well, I do need to join a club. I also need to work off my debt. This seems like a win win situation. Besides pops is always going on about me needing to make more friends. This seems like a good enough time to try. "But, I'm going to need some guarantees. First off, no one can complain if I cuss. Second off, no prying into my private life. If I say that it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen. Finally, No touching my phone. If you mess with my music, I will fuck up your shit."

While Tamaki descended into an emo corner mumbling about how girls shouldn't use such foul language, Kyoya gave a small nod. Well guess I'm in a host club now. This is going to be a crazy year, won't it. Maybe this will be the year I don't fuck up in school and get expelled.

Then again this could be the year I 'accidentally' murdered an entire club full of idiots. I'll say it's about 70/30 odds in favor of murder. I haven't not fucked shit up since I was in elementary school. Still, miracles happen. Like the fact no one has noticed me wincing in pain everytime I walk somewhere. It's the small victories that count, right?

"Hey,Mis- Diana?" Huh, what does he want? He really doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd care about anything.

"Um yeah glasses?"

"Are you okay, you seem to be limping quite a lot" Well fuck me over sideways, guess someone did notice. I really can't keep thinking these things with such affirmation. I jinx it every time.

While I was lost in my own thoughts one of those twins, looking back I think it was Hikaru, walked up to me. When I finally snapped out of it I noticed his face really close to mine. Of corse since I don't function like a normal human, instead of backing away I accidentally headbutted him really hard. I really need to curb these gut instincts. I'm going to kill someone.

"Sorry" Maybe I should've said that with a little, I don't know, EMOTION or something. I should make it up to him. "H-Hey, I'll walk you to the nurses station."

"Look, don't stutter out an apology if you don't mean it!" Hmm, this guy has a temper. Better file this away for later. Wait, I have a temper too! Ugg, I need to get out of my head.

"Well, Asshole, maybe I was being sincere, ever think that some of us just don't want to be volatile little shrews" wow, that's some shakespearean shit right there. I should probably stop reading so many old books.

"You know what." he gave a smirk, uh oh. Wait I sense the potential for a heathers reference.

"A hot guy smiled at me, without a trace of mockery." I sang out as I stared at his face. No one made any movements. Do they not know Heathers? Wow, they need to… well do something. This is a damn tragedy.

"Why did you just sing something at me?"

"It's a Heathers reference, you know the American musical" Oh yeah, did I mention that I can speak like five languages. I can do French, Japanese, English, Spanish, and German.

"It's commoner music?" commoner? Wow, these guys must be really sheltered. I bet they don't even know about instant coffee. Wait, what if they don't know about bluebell icecream! I must fix this immediately.

"Um, It's music for everyone. Haruhi, you should've heard of it. You're on scholarship like me right?" yeah, I'm here on a martial arts scholarship. As long as I go to all the tournaments for the school, I can attend for free. Pretty sweet deal, huh?

"Sorry Diana, but I've never heard of it, but I don't listen to a whole bunch of music." Wow. I'm glad I joined this club, they really need to get with the times. I hope that the lord will help me on this mission. Pshht, what am I talking about. I'm an atheist.

"It's okay. Um I'll go get the medkit for… Hikaru" I hoped I had the right twin as I walked into a storage closet, and got the kit. I hope he'll let me near his face. I guess he actually doesn't have much of a choice.

"Hey, don't you get near my face" Well I called that one.

"Unless you want your nose to be fucked up for the rest of the day, you'll let me look at it." After Tamaki again went into his emo corner, I began to work on Hikaru's nose. After sitting him down on the couch I began to check out his nose. It didn't look bad, and wasn't broken, so he'll probably be fine. After dabbing some numbing ointment on it and giving him an icepack, I sent him on his way.

"So, I'm going home now. Bye" I hope pops won't be mad that I joined a club without consulting him. Well, only one way to find out. I stood up and walked towards the doors. Of corse before I could leave -

"Be sure to be here with Haruhi tomorrow afternoon, we need to get you fitted for a uniform." Ugg, if I have to wear a skirt I'm going to leave as fast as sonic.

"Hey, just so you know, I don't do skirts." Hope he doesn't try to defy me. Oh god, I sound like an evil overlord. If I do have to wear a skirt, I'm going to raise a fuss. I'm serious about all of that.

"I'll make sure to keep that in mind." I'll have to take him at his word. Have I ever mentioned that I have pretty serious trust issues. I need to set the record straight about myself. You probably don't know anything about me. Wait, who are you!? Why are you reading my thoughts? Can you tell what number I'm thinking of? Enough with these questions. Here's the official document about me:

Name: Diana Prince

Age: 16

Birthday: April 16

Family: Father: Charles Prince, Mother: Alice Prince- Deceased, Brother: Sean Prince- Deceased

Country of Origin: Germany

Languages Known: German, French, Spanish, English, Japanese

Favorite Subject: Music

Favorite Country: France

Favorite Color: Royal Blue

Favorite Food: Bluebell Icecream , Mint Chocolate Chip flavored

Favorite Book: Romance Novels, anything with love in it will do really

Favorite Music: Any musical, Panic! At the Disco, Twenty One Pilots, Melanie Martinez, Halsey, My Chemical Romance, Icon for Hire, and Falling in Reverse

This will probably get added onto as the school year goes on. I rarely stay the same for long. I guess the one thing you can predict about me is that I'll always change. Ironic right.

_-_-_-_- Time skip for Icecream -_-_-_-_

I yawned a bit as I walked home with Haruhi. Surprisingly we lived in the same apartment building. How odd. It's almost like that trope in fanfiction where the OC lives super close to the main character. Weird.

I was about to stretch when I remembered my stomach. God dammit Diana, you need to be more careful. I'll have to be extra speedy when I fight tonight because of my stomach. Next time I fight I'm going to knock out the unlucky sap as soon as possible. No useless kicking while their down.

In case you were wondering, mysterious head person, I'm going to the same place as the other night. That gym won't be open for another two days. Life sucks sometimes. I just hope I don't have to fight that beefy redhead. That would suck. She'd probably try to tear me a new one for beating her.

Saffire texted me as soon as I plopped down on the couch in the living room. I gave her my number since her ring was close and I figured I'd be fightin there often. Apparently if I get there at ten I can fight some hot-shot upstart named Goldie.

Crushing some puny blonde sounded like fun to me, so I guess the arena will be blessed by the Iron dragon at Ten o' clock. Lucky them. I hope I get a lot of money in bets, if I can earn enough yen, I might be able to do something about that pesky debt problem.

Yeah, that's right. I really don't intend to be at the beck and call of this club forever. Or at least until I get out of highschool. I hate being told what to do, and as my dad will tell you, if you order me around I will do the exact opposite of what you want if only to screw with you. In case you haven't noticed it, I have a bit of a mean streak.

To kill some time, because it's only seven, I decided that it's going to be Supernatural night again. I put on the an episode in the middle of season six. Time to see if they **(SPOILERS: If you are not on season seven yet, don't look at this)** open purgatory or not. I do hope Crowley doesn't screw everything up. I also hope Cas doesn't stay a massive assbutt.

Okay, You know what: When I said I didn't want Cas to stay a dickhead, I didn't mean I wanted him to die! Why did you kill him you evil writers?! Why! I loved him and he died. I loved him. Wait… Cas is a popular character, and there are six seasons left. Cas will probably be back. Phew. I was worried for a second there. ( **Spoilers over** )

When I checked the clock I realized it was 9:45. Well shit. I better run, or I'm going to be late for my fight. I sprinted out the door faster than a speeding train. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Diana when she's late for a fight because she watched four consecutive episodes of a show that has forty minute episodes like an idiot.

When I reached the ring, stomach protesting and lungs spasming, I walked over to Sapphire. She was wearing the same blue dress as yesterday. I bet she wears it at shows and gets it dry cleaned every week. My mom used to do that when she showed cars at the dealership before the… accident. Gosh, maybe I just love making myself suffer. I don't see any other reason my brain keeps showing my mother.

As I shook myself out of the memory, Sapphire gave me a questioning glance. She opened her lips like she was going to say something but closed them just as quickly. Good. I didn't like it when the organizers got nosy. Made life harder when you decided to leave, though I suppose that is the general idea.

Suddenly a busty blonde in a leather jumpsuit walked up to me. She gave me a hasty smile, and reached to shake my hand.

"Hi there sweetie, pleasure to meet you, my name's Goldie" Her sweet greeting gave me a bit of a shock. You'd think that when you're about to beat someone to a bloody pulp, or get beaten into a bloody pulp you'd be, I don't know, a little hostile. Guess she's new or she'd be just like me. At least on the verbal front.

"Hey" I've never been a woman of many words unless I'm talking to my friends. Or to people who interest me. Or to people I'm curious about. Or to people who say they like things that I like. Huh, maybe I do talk a lot. Odd how you never think about these things until you get confronted with them. This silence is getting kinda awkward.

"Girls, your stage awaits" Thank god for Sapphire. She broke that silence in half with the power of not being a socially awkward weirdo, or something along those lines.

We stepped up to the stage and faced each other. Goldie rushes me without any circling. Her mistake. I judo flip her like the boss I am, and hit her with a solid kick to the stomach. She threw a kick at my head which I easily caught. Guess she really is new, or she would've seen that coming. I flipped her again, because I like the feeling of flipping people. Sending people flying will always be a specialty of mine.

Poor Goldie took a running start at me. I quickly dodged, again cause I rock, And gave her a quick hit to the head. I then gave a foot sweep and knocked her on her back.

"Geez girl," Since she was at my mercy, I decided to give her some quick advice. "If you're going to fight, at least fight someone on your level. Get some training looser." She struggled under me, and I delivered a quick chop to the windpipe. While she rolled around struggling for breath, I mage a throat slitting gesture to the crowd.

They roared their approval. I grabbed Goldie by the neck as she struggled to get away and began to squeeze. I stopped when she passed out, stepping over her limp body. I collected my bets, surprising how many people thought Goldie would win, and started the trudge home. Luckily this time I didn't have any notable injuries, so good for me.

I entered the house, locked the door, and walked straight to my room. After setting my alarm thirty minutes earlier than normal so I could shower tomorrow, I walked over to my bed and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. Some days are just exhausting, y'know.


	4. Chapter 4: The original sad cancer book

When my alarm goes beep, I punch it until it shuts up. Probably not the smartest idea, but my brain doesn't work in the morning. If you ask Akio, fuck I still need to ask him about Kyoya, he'd say that my brain doesn't work at all. But no one listens to Akio, because everyone knows I'm smart.

I started the shower and decided to go pick out some clothes. I decided to take a page out of my friend Harper's book and chose to wear a fuzzy black sweater and some black jeans with my favorite chucks. Although she made questionable decisions most of the time, she did wear comfy clothes. I can see why she loves this so much. Well her boyfriend Logan also gives her his sweaters, so she kinda has to wear them.

I put my hand under the shower, and it was warm. Time to wash off. As I stepped under the hot water, I realized why doctors prescribe hot baths for cramps because holy shit did that feel great on my bruises. As I cleaned off my stomach, I looked over the bruises. They were healing quite nicely, although the yellowish color was a bit disconcerting.

I stepped out of the shower in a blast of steam and vanilla lavender body wash. As I dried off and put on my comfy clothes I thought about how soon these bruises would heal. I must say I'm impressed with the salve I'm using. I've never had such quick healing bruises all my life. Gotta ask dad where he got it.

As I thought of another item to add to my ever growing list, I decided to strike one off of it. I called up Akio on the phone as soon as I could.

"Yo, Aki" yes, I call my friend Aki, It's a nickname from when we were super little. I was like three, and was too lazy to use his full name. I guess nothing changes cause I'm still lazy as fuck. Maybe even lazier if that's even possible.

"What's up Didi" Luckily for my BFF, he has a nickname for me. A way to even the embarrassing names out. At least he's not Flora, another one of my friends, we called her Ra for a bit, and when Aki went on an Egyptian gods kick, he started calling her Sunny. (the god of the sun is called Ra) The name stuck and she's just Sunny now.

"Hey… Akio-"

"Uggg, What did I do!?" I never use Aki's real name, so he must've known that he fucked something up.

"You didn't tell me your brother went to school here" I checked the clock and realized I should get going. I shifted my phone so that it was on my shoulder and got my skateboard. After leaving the house and locking the door I began to head school-ward.

"Ohhh yeah, Kyoya. I guess he does go to your school." Wait, he didn't remember!? How do you not remember what school your brother goes.

"You guess!?"

"Sorry, but I'm the youngest lawyer in the state, I'm kinda busy" Wow, guess I never thought about that. I don't ever get waylaid by him, and whenever I call him he answers. Weird.

"Sorry. I guess I didn't think of that." Some depression made my voice a little lower than normal so I braced myself for some questions.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. You don't need to work yourself up about it." This is why I love my friends, I swear they can sense when I need a good amount of comfort. That bond is just about the only constant in my life. I keep it in mind when I feel overwhelmed. "So, how's the move been, did your dad stay like he promised?" His voice was painted with sympathy. He already knew the answer.

"No. Guess work is just more important than me sometimes." While I try to be grateful, sometimes the little pockets of bitterness seep through. They're only ever revealed when I talk to my friends. I suppose the bitterness is why I have to fight. Gotta work off your emotions somehow, right?

"Yeah… Look I have to go now, ttfn" Wow, perfect timing. Just as Aki said goodbye, school came into view.

"Nice Winnie the Pooh reference, nerd. I gotta go too. Bye." If you don't get it, head person who may or may not be reading my thoughts, ttfn stands for tah tah for now. It's one of tiggers lines from Winnie the Pooh.

I stowed my phone away inside of my bookbag then walked confidently into the halls of school. For a pink building, it was surprisingly not barftastic. I surveyed the architecture as I walked to my class. Sunny would love this stuff, She's such an archaeology nerd. She's planning on majoring in it in college. Gotta love a girl with plans for the future.

When I finally reached my class I realized no one was here. When I checked the clock I realized why. I was an hour early to school. Well shit. I wandered into the host club so I could sleep on one of the couches. Pro tip: If you ever visit the host club, check out the couches. They are super comfy

Just as I realized that I probably wouldn't wake up in time for school, I slipped into the not so peaceful oblivion of sleep.

 _/ Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

I was walking with mom. It was a sunny afternoon and I was walking with my mom. I was eleven at the time. We had just left the local library, and I was walking home with an armload of Stephen King books. I was such a horror nerd back then. But no amount of reading could prepare me for what was going to happen.

Just as we rounded the corner, a driver came speeding around. We were sitting ducks in the middle of the street, and the car was going too fast for us to dive out of the way. My mom jumped on top of me shielding me with her body. I felt as the car ran over my mom. I felt when it hit my leg, breaking my tibia and fibula.

I passed out soon after. I woke up in the hospital with a cast on my leg and a black dress to wear to my mother's funeral. What a wonderful wakeup call right? Hey, glad you're okay kid, time to go to the funeral where we're going to put your mother, the woman who raised you all your life, the only family you really know because your dad's gone all the time, into the ground.

I cried at the funeral, and in the month that followed. Eventually dad brought me to a shrink who diagnosed me with depression. Didn't take a genius to get that one. I took meds and went to group therapy for a year, and they declared me cured. Little did they know that after we moved I attempted suicide.

We were leaving the place we buried my mother, and I knew that we wouldn't be coming back. I guess that just pulled me over the edge. I stole some of pop's sleeping pills and took about forty. We immediately went to the hospital, and I got my stomach pumped. They saved my life. I haven't done anything since.

 _/ End Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

I awoke to the feeling of someone poking me in the upper thigh. Hard. I gave a groan and sat up discreetly checking my face for tears. Luckily for me there weren't any. I would've died of embarrassment if anyone saw me like that, especially that Kyoya guy. Something tells me he would've sold me out to make the club a few bucks. On the other hand, I might have been-

"Hey Diana, are you okay!? You were screaming!" That would be Haruhi, shaking me to get an answer. If I can be honest, brain person, No. I'm really not okay. I feel like jumping off a bridge just to stop the aching in my heart. But I made a promise to Aki and Sunny, I will stay alive and well. I will never do that again, no matter how hard it hurts.

"...Yeah" Well, It's not like I'm going to shove all my baggage onto these poor saps. They'd probably run away in terror. I mean Momma's death was only the tip of the iceberg. I have so much more darkness coursing through my blood, that I'm surprised my heart isn't completely black by now.

"Are you sure?" Not really.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine Haruhi, is anyone else here," As I looked around I noticed that the room was empty. Guess that answers my own question. "Ignore that question and answer this one: Where is everyone?" Maybe they're at some fancy pants, normal student,non scholarship meeting.

"They're at some kind of student meeting, kids with scholarships," So basically just Haruhi and I, yay us. "Were excluded." Just as I thought. Wait, does this mean that there will be more meetings like this. Wait is it the end of the day!

"Haruhi! What time is it!" Shit, shit, shit. I wasn't supposed to skip until I knew what was going on in classes. I probably missed something super important. Leave it to me to literally sleep the day away.

"Uh, I don't have a watch, but classes are over if that's what you mean." Well fuck me over sideways with a lunchbox. I'll have to go tell the teacher that I'm sick and try to get some notes. Maybe I can do some makeup to make the act convincing. That seems like a good way to spend an otherwise lazy afternoon. Wait, I can just ask Haruhi over here!

"Hey Haruhi, what happened in class today?" Well I hoped she'd be nice enough to tell me.

"Nothing much. We basically went further in depth with what we learned yesterday, and started linear functions in math" Well I knew what was going on last class and I can do linear functions in my sleep so I think I'm good.

"Thanks Haruhi, you're a lifesaver"

"No problem Diana" She's so nice, maybe I should let her use my nickname. I can talk pretty freely about stuff with her. She hasn't tried to pry even though she heard me screaming in my sleep. She's giving me space, and letting me know what happened. Yeah, she's going to be declared my friend.

"Hey, call me Didi, all my friends do." Will she reject me. Probably not, but I guess when your imagination is far, far, too active, you think anything is possible. Well anything is possible, but what I mean is that the worst case scenario is always possible.

"Cool… Didi. Um, want to hang out together while we wait for the boys to get back?" Heck yeah. I made a new friend. I did a tiny victory dance in my head .

"But of corse darling," I said in a ridiculously over the top french accent. "Would you like to wait on the couch with me and read?" I inched my way over to my bookbag and pulled out the original sad cancer book, AKA _The Fault in our Stars_.

"I'd be honored" Haruhi answered in a similarly flamboyant british accent. She too pulled out a book and began to read. I couldn't tell what the title was, but judging by the way she got absorbed into it, it was pretty good. Maybe I should ask her for recommendations or something. She seems like someone with a good taste in books.

We sat there and read for a while. Can I just say that I want one of those fancy voice operated blind person video games like in my book. I mean it would be like roleplaying without having to interact with real humans. I wonder if they do stuff like Skyrim or Fallout. That would be uber cool.

I was rudely interrupted when somebody pulled the book out of my hands. To be honest I'm not sure if Tamaki can read english, so I wonder if he's confused. I'll probably get verbal confirmation soon.

"What are you reading?" two voices in unison. Guess it was the twins who grabbed it. I wonder if they speak English. I wonder if anyone but me speaks English. I bet Haruhi speaks English. Why did I just mention English so much? Can I stop saying the word English? "Hello Diana?" Oh yeah, guess I should respond when people talk.

It's called ' _The Fault in our Stars_ ' It's an American book by an American author." Bet they'll ask me if i'm obsessed with the USA or something.

"So what, are you obsessed with America or something?" Judging by the snobby tone only Hikaru had asked. I wish he could just try not to sound so fucking obnoxious all the time. Self important pricks really get on my nerves.

"None of your business. Is my uniform ready, I should really try it on and make sure it fits." I hope this uniform doesn't look like crap. I also hope it won't make me look like an attention whore. Who am I kidding, these boys would probably truss me up in nothing but satin ribbons and sell me off like a show pony.


	5. Chapter 5: She needs one of those sofas

"No" I was not going to wear that monstrosity of a uniform. If they want me to wear a dress they will have to brainwash me into a blank slate with no ability to do anything but follow commands and carry out basic functions, and even then I probably wouldn't do it. As I told Kyoya before, I don't do dresses.

"But my daughter needs to get in touch with her inner femininity," Please Tamaki, I am completely in touch with my feminine side. Her name is Didi, and she enjoys the color blue, braiding her hair, choosing awesome outfits that she feels adequately describe her personality, and kicking other people's asses in illegal fighting rings. I am perfectly in touch with my feminine side, but you my fine French friend, are not.

"Look dumbass, I am completely in touch with my feminine side. She says that she ain't wearing that abomination." That oughta learn him.

"Such foul language. A lady shouldn't say such words" Wait, a lady shouldn't. A lady! Well I've never been a lady, and I won't start being one now. I'll die before I wear a dress, even if it is blue.

Oh yeah, I forgot that you don't know what it looks like mysterious head person. That name is way too long, even if I am just thinking it out. I'm gonna call you the MHP, until I decide otherwise. Now back to describing what these chuckle heads want me to wear.

It was a dress. Other than that fact it was actually pretty nice. It was a dark blue dress that would go down to my mid thigh. It had a high collar and these sheer black long sleeves with a bit of fabric at the wrist. They were paired with chains around the hips, fishnets, and some low heel black boots that went up a little past my knee.

It's the kind of ensemble that I wore to all my middle school dances. Pretty, but still keeping the me-ness that I like all the outfits I wear to have. I'm surprised that they chose something so incredibly my style. I wonder how they found out my style. I bet those sneaky little bastards searched up 'punk dress' and then modified it a bit to suit their tastes.

"I don't do dresses. Get me a new uniform." Well that came out a bit more drill sergeant than I intended. Hopefully these powerful rich people don't care that I'm ordering them around like I own this school. Speaking of, who does own this school? Man, I bet their kid is so loaded.

"How about we play a game." That was… Kaoru.

"Yeah, if you win, you can help choose your uniform" And now Hikaru was talking.

"But if you get it wrong," They both stepped forward to put their arms on my shoulders. I bet they thought they could make me wear the uniform. I hope not cuz those fuckers got another thing coming. I have a photographic memory. They will never win. Cue evil laugh.

Wait. When did they get my measurements? I know for a fact that the school doesn't have my records yet. They also never heard me tell them what they were. Did they just eyeball it? If they did, they have wonderful talent. Oh yeah, something's going on. Better pay attention to that.

While I was lost in my thoughts, the twins had put on hats and switched around. They really were very close to being perfect copies of each other. I bet they switched classes all the time as kids. I bet they actually had the same classes all the time, their world doesn't seem to be very big.

"Okay Diana, Which ones Hikaru?" Why did they talk? Those idiots just ruined the illusion. I was confident that the one on my left was Hikaru, so I vocalized it.

"The one on my left is Hikaru." I gave an evil smirk and some of my hair fell in my face. I probably looked like the ghost from a horror movie.

"Uh oh, you got it wrong." Who the fuck do these chuckleheads think they're fooling.

"Um, No I didn't. Who do you bitches think you're foolin?" I probably shouldn't insult rich people right to their faces. Such mockery is best done behind someone's back. Well, you can't take back words. Guess they'll have to grow some thicker skin.

"How could you tell?" Kaoru stepped forward with a curious expression while Hikaru pouted behind him.

"Well, I have a photographic memory, so I basically did one of those find the difference puzzles with the picture of how you looked while doing the game and how you looked when you introduced yourselves." Wow, when have I ever said a sentence this long that isn't about my OTP(s). I think this is the longest non-fandom related sentence I've ever had the pleasure of saying. Cool.

"So you cheated!" That would be the other brother. Hah, accidental rhyme. Nice!

"No it isn't. Is it cheating if you memorize words before a spelling test?" Well countered Diana. You didn't even sound angry. Well, you didn't sound super angry, there were some hints of irritation there.

"But you memorize everything you see!" Is he whining now? Pshh. He's totally whining. Pathetic much?

"Stop being a whiny bitch, and suck it up. I get to help modify the uniform." In your face sucker! I win at life! Well most of the time at least.

Hikaru didn't argue anymore, just walked up to his brother and started to bitch about me to him. I think that I'm going to call Karu the nice one and Hikaru the bitchy one in my head. Please take note MHP.

Kyoya started to walk to a little side room, and gestured for me to follow him. I bet this is where they designed my outfit. When I walked into the room I realized that the walls were covered in different kinds of fabric. Cool! Near the back of the room were a pair of fancy sewing machines. There was a table surrounded by chairs in the middle of the room that was absolutely covered in design sketches.

"Wow, is this your design lab?" I wish I had something cool like this at my house. Maybe something customized for holding weapons like guns. I love guns. Probably because guns are connected to almost every memory I have of my pops. Kinda sad when you think about it.

"Yes it is, if you will stay here with Hikaru and Kaoru to design the revised uniform, we'll have it designed by tomorrow." Great. I looked at Kyoya's uniform to try and see how I could Diana-ize it. Maybe if I turned the pants into shorts, and just wore a button up white shirt it would work. IDK.

"Let's get started boys!" I turned around with a very slightly evil glint in my eye. Come to think of it, I did that star eye thing they were doing earlier.

_-_-_-_- Time skipping in circles-_-_-_-_

We were finally done. I don't mean to brag or anything, but we had designed a totally kickass uniform. It was nice looking, and yes a little revealing, but still made me look like the fucking goddess that I am. We decided to use the colors of the host club with a more 'distressed' style, as the twins put it.

It was a pair of ripped up black jean shorts with fishnets underneath, because if you haven't figured it out yet I like fishnets, a pair of black combat boots, which were going to be a super high quality brand fuck yeah, a low hanging white crop top which showed my midriff occasionally. I fought hard against that, but apparently I had to at least look presentable, and I really wasn't showing much. The final piece was a plaid shirt in the light purple of the uniform, and a color so close to black that I couldn't tell what it was, though while I'm thinking about it, it's probably purple.

"Are you done daydreaming, or are we going to be stuck here for another fifteen minutes?" That would be the bitchy one. I guess I'm glad he yanked me out of my descriptive trance before I bored you to death.

"Zip it pretty boy, I'm outta here." I left the room and headed to the couch so I could pick up my bag, my skateboard, and the black boots that went with the dress. Say what you want, those were some nice boots, and I wasn't going to leave them there. I was going to add them to my shoe collection. A few minutes later I was out of the room and on my way home.

_-_-_-_- Time skip | piks emiT-_-_-_-_

Do you ever have those nights when you really want to fall asleep, and you're exhausted, and you're trying to sleep but you just can't? Well I was having one of those nights. I had tried drinking warm milk. I had tried taking a warm bath. I had even tried exercising myself into a coma, which I did before the bath because I didn't want to be sweaty all night, but seemed to be the most extreme example so I told it to you last.

Eventually I just gave up. I sat down on my bed, which was surprisingly comfy, I guess memory phone really does do wonders for a mattress, and decided that now would be a good time to try and text my friends. Oddly enough, my friends and I have always felt insomnia together. I texted Sunny first.

D(iana): _Yo girl, u awake_

S(unny): _Yes, feeling the insomnia, I assume you are too._

D: _Wassup_

S: _Nothing much, just studying for my algebra test because I have nothing else to do except ponder about how nothing in life matters and in one hundred years no one will remember my name, and I don't feel like having a midlife crisis at age fifteen._

D: _Damn gurl, u need to stop thinking so much_

S: _And you need to start using proper punctuation, guess we're both fighting losing battles._

D: _Urg. Stop being so smart. Its like 2 am._

S: _Sorry, but I can't turn off the brain. I'm staying up because I'm too busy worrying to sleep. Why are you awake._

D: _I'm awake cuz my body refuses to get itself some goddamn rest_

S: _Have you tried warm milk?_

D: _Duh_

S: _How about chamomile tea?_

D: _Haven't tried that yet, BRB_

I went to the pantry and grabbed some of the fancy tea. After looking over the instructions for microwaving it, which are super easy all you do is put the tea bag in the water and zap it for three or so minutes, I made myself some tea. It didn't taste very good, so some honey was added to the mix, which improved it greatly. I did feel a bit drowsy, so I quickly texted sunny back and hit the hay.

I woke up five or so hours later to the sound of my alarm beeping. I punched the clock until it stopped and decided that today I was going to punch someone important in the face. I looked and felt like shit. My nose was runny, my eyes had gigantic bags under them, I was unhealthily pale, and to top it all off I had this horrible cough.

Maybe we had some flu medicine in the bathroom. I trudged over so I could investigate and to my delight, we did have some. I took the proper dosage, and got dressed. Without my usual flair of corse. Today I was wearing a too big _My Chemical Romance_ T-shirt and light gray sweatpants.

Apparently the powers that be decided to take pity on me, which probably meant something horrible was going on at school. The car started the first time I tried it, hallelujah, and I arrived at school five minutes early. Maybe today will be a good day.

As soon as I reached my desk I decided that it was going to be a relaxation day for me. When the teacher finally arrived and started her lecture I set my head on my desk and started to zone out. It was nice, just sitting there while a voice droned on in the background. I eventually reached that state in between waking and sleeping. Everything was very peaceful.

Suddenly a wracking cough worked it's way through my throat. It stung my throat and all I could do was spasm my shoulders and pray for it too end. After what felt like hours, but was probably only a minute, I stopped. Everyone was looking at me and the teacher was giving me that concerned gaze that only adults can ever really do correctly.

"Mrs. Can I go to the nurse's office, I feel like shit." She didn't even flinch at the word, just waved me towards the door and handed me a copy of the lecture notes when I finally reached it. After trekking it to the nurse's office I realized that there was nobody there. Shit. I hobbled my way too music room three. May as well rest on the comfy couches.

I noticed that one of the side rooms, which just seemed to randomly appear when needed, was full of blankets. Aw yes! I grabbed the most obnoxiously fluff blanket I could find and situated myself onto the comfy sofa. I seriously need to get me one of these things. I'd probably sleep on it more than I slept on my bed. I dozed off into a peaceful sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: A hot slice of beefcake

**(Okay so, this corresponds with episode six of the actuall series. I'll tell you with a note like this at the beginning what episode the chapters of this story corresponds. Oh yeah *snaps fingers* I should probably tell you the episode's full name, in this case it's** ** _"The Grade School Host is the Naughty Type!"_** **. Thanks for reading my story. Peace.**

 **-Harmony)**

Why was some whiny little kid in here disrupting my sleep!? Also why was he calling one of the poor pathetic girls in this club a carp!? I agree she was wearing a bit too much lipstick, but that doesn't make someone a fish! I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and moved around so I was sitting up on the couch with the blanket in my lap.

"Shut up you whiny little mother fucker, don't project your anger issues onto this lady! Did your mother not teach you any manners or do you want to sound like a pathetic whiny little bitch!? Shut the hell up, and stop being an asshole! You can't get away with this shit just because you're like five!" Damn, I am not nice when I have a fever and just woke up. I wonder how my friends put up with me when I act like this.

The entire population of the host club gave me an incredulous look as the kid stood there. He looked pretty shocked and I felt a little bad. I opened my mouth to apologize when the kid suddenly bursts out his response

"Yeah, well what's wrong with you zombie!? You look like you just got run over by a truck! At least I don't look like a donkey!" Oh, is this a challenge? This kid is going to be so fucked.

"Pssh! Have you seen a mirror lately, I'd say you're the one who looks like a donkey! No wait that's an insult to donkeys, you look like a blob fish that just got run over by a car!"

"Well at least I have manners!"

"Shut up you little shit! You just told this girl," I motioned to the girl in question and she gave a squeak in surprise. "That she looked like a mother fucking fish! Does that seem polite to you!?"

"UGLY" the argument descended into us screaming insults at each other at the top of our lungs. Even though my throat hurt I was going to show this pompous brat what was what.

"HOE"

"STUPID"

"BITCH"

"PIG"

"ASSHOLE"

"GRANDMA"

"Enough you two," Kyoya's voice rang out, silencing us both."Diana, this boy is an apprentice of Tamaki, he is trying to learn the art of hosting." So that's why there's a kid in here. Judging by the way he acts I bet he doesn't wanna be a host. He probably wants to make a move on his crush.

"Fine!" I suddenly felt my knees buckle and I sank onto the couch. I felt waves of nausea and choked back a gag. "Do you guys have anything for a fever? I don't feel well." My vision was going spotted, little black dots dancing at the edge of my vision. Morinozuka, or Zuko as I decided to call him, walked forward and put his hand on my forehead.

"She's burning up." his voice was flat, but his eyes flashed with concern. I felt drowsy so I laid down and blinked rapidly. Maybe that would get rid of the little black fuzzies. Hikaru rushed forward and grabbed the med kit off a shelf. He dug through it for a moment before grabbing a little amber pill bottle.

"These should be the fever pills." He tossed them over to me while Haruhi got a glass of water. When I looked around the room had cleared out, and the kid was running out into the hall. Then Haruhi handed me the meds and water and made me take them. Once I had swallowed all the water, Zuko set me on the couch and tucked me in. I didn't stay awake for much longer.

When I awoke I noticed Zuko sleeping on a chair pulled up next too my couch. Oh I guess he stayed to watch over me. How sweet. I felt a flutter in my stomach and quickly squashed it down. Bad Diana! No falling in love. You're just going to move away again. From down the hall I heard the sound of a piano duet. It was very pretty, and since I was feeling ever so much better, I decided to go check it out.

When I found the door the music was coming from and peeked inside, I saw the little boy playing with a cute little girl. They looked so happy there. I smiled, then bit back a scream when Haruhi put her hand on my shoulder.

"They're pretty cute together, aren't they? Makes me miss elementary school. Everything was so simple back then." She almost gave me a heart attack! She was right though, they were adorable.

"Yeah. I wish the world were still that easy." But that can't happen. Time doesn't flow backwards, and mo action or word can be taken back or undone. We all wish the world were simple, but it isn't and it never will be.

"So," She must've heard the wistful note in my voice and changed the subject. " What do you think's going to happen tomorrow?"

"Well, we're probably going to end up getting fucked over by fate." of corse that was a given. When was fate ever kind?

Haruhi gave a chuckle and smiled at me. Damn her eyes were as bright as suns. I can see why the idiots in this club wanted her to work. That girl was fucking adorable.

"Hey, wanna walk home together. I think our time here is up for today."

"Sure Didi. That sounds great, but did you bring a car or…" My beautiful car was probably going to break down, but it might work.

"Yeah, I drove myself to school today." We walked out into the parking lot making small talk all the way. When we reached the old junker I called my car, I stopped and gave a winning smile. "And here we have a fine specimen of the power of duct tape." My car was basically made up of duct tape, cardboard, and the hopes and prayers of my father and I. Haruhi laughed again

"Does it work, or what…"

"Let's hope it does. This thing only works five times out of ten." I stepped into my car, and crossed my fingers as I started the engine. I guess it was my lucky day, cause the old girl started with barely a shudder. I waved wildly too my friend, and she rolled her eyes and stepped into the car. We drove away with _American Pie_ blasting on the radio

_-_-_-_- It's time skip time-_-_-_-_

Haruhi stepped out of the car first and waited for me at the stairs. After telling me her goodbyes, we went up too our seperate appartments. I had a fight at nine, and it was five now, so of course I watched some Supernatural. I'm on season nine now, and I can't believe what's going on. Also ( **Spoilers** ) Fuck Metatron in the ass. Also, YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS Gabriel is back. I knew there was hope for anyone dead in this series. Also poo you Gabriel, why you gotta lie too Cas like that!? Also are you even really alive, or are you just an illusion?( **Spoilers Over** )

By the time I was done with my fangirl obsessed freak out, it was eight forty five. Time to hit the road and go see who I'm fighting. I hope I can beat up some burly guy. Getting losers who beat up girls for fun to doubt their masculinity is my favorite hobby. Those asshats deserve to get their shit wrecked. I just happen to be the shit wrecker that's there.

I sprinted out the door and down to the arena. As you might've guessed by now, I'm probably not going to that gym. Things are more fun when they're against the law. It's a given that if something is illegal, it will either give you one hell of a rush, or make you psychotic. I'm willing to take the chance, I mean I'm already a bit psychotic anyways.

The arena came into view and I did a mental scan of myself. Sapphire said I would be facing someone strong tonight, so I checked my injuries. My bruises were all but healed, and I didn't feel very sick. I took some fever pills just in case and walked into the dark alleyway where the smackdown would happen.

I gave sapphire a quick wave, she nodded in return, and speed walked up to her. She was on the phone chatting about how someone 'needed to get her the money goddamnit or someone was going to get their skin flayed of and turned into a leather jacket' or something along those lines.

She got of the phone, and gave me a look that said: well you look like a piece of poop, what were you thinking when you put on that outfit. Girl you need a better fashion sense.

"I know, I know. I was sick today okay. I just put on whatever was the easiest to get to." She raised an amused eyebrow.

"Whatever you say. So, you ready to fight a big burly manly man?" Obviously. I wouldn't've come if I didn't get to hand out some righteous ass whooping.

"Fuck yeah!"

"Good, because here he comes." She gave a grand gesture to the entrance of the ring. A man walked out. He was very, very handsome. Shiny black hair, tanned skin, mischievous green eyes, muscles sculpted like god's, the whole package really. I was so busy drooling over him that I almost didn't notice when Sapphire said his name.

"His name is Aiden" Hot damn sun! This Aiden guy is one hot slice of beefcake.

"Try not to hit the face sweetheart." His voice was super deep, with a slight cuban accent. Even his voice was hot. Can I marry him? I turned to Sapphire.

"If I don't kill him, can I marry him!? Please!" That got a chuckle out of the both of them, though Aiden chuckled a little harder. I bet he doesn't think I can beat him.

"Don't push your luck sweetheart. I doubt you'll be able to knock me out." Fucking called it.

"Guess we'll just have too see, won't we?" I gave a slight smirk and stepped into the arena. Despite his bravado, he did seem a bit hesitant to step into the ring with me. "Look, Aiden, I know that all of this" I gestured to my chest and legs "Is downright terrifying, but you're a big boy now. Let's face our fears shall we." He gave me a wicked grin and stepped up

The ref gave the signal that started that match. Aiden charged immediately. I dodged to the side and kicked him in the side. He took the hit and turned to grab my leg. I was slammed hard onto the floor. He tackled me and tried to pin down my arms, but I slammed him hard on the nose with the palm of my hand. Blood gushed out.

"I told you not to go for the face sweetheart!" he growled out before I shifted and kneed him in the stomach. He retaliated by grabbing my arm and twisting it until it was dangerously close to breaking. Unfortunately for him, he didn't pin my left leg. I kicked him hard in the balls and jumped up.

"Guess I didn't listen, sorry." I got three quick hits too the side of his head before he grabbed my shoulders and slammed my midriff into his knee. He aimed a kick at my stomach, but I rolled away and managed to get into a kneeling position. I gave a quick foot sweep and knocked him onto his back. I then began choking him. Just before he was unconscious he headbutted me.

"You little fucker" Those were his last words before he drifted into the abyss. My nose was bleeding profusely, and there were going to be some serious bruises on my belly, but for the most part I was okay. The audience cheered as I collected my bets, and walked calmly out of the alley.

Just as I reached the apartment the adrenaline buzz died off leaving me with an aching stomach and heavy limbs. I dragged myself into my bedroom, collapsed onto the bed praying that I wouldn't be going too any water parks or beaches. There's no way I'll be able to wear a bathing suit with the bruises painting my stomach. I fell asleep too the sound of party music coming from next door. I wish my neighbors would shut the fuck up sometimes.


	7. Chapter 7: He smiled! Get me a brownie!

**(This chapter corresponds with episode seven, AKA** _ **Jungle Pool SOS!**_ **)**

I woke up much earlier than normal too an excruciating pain in my stomach. I anxiously peeled up my shirt, and hot damn, my entire stomach was a scary gray. I absolutely slathered my entire stomach in the miracle salve from the last time my stomach was injured. I then put on my uniform for the first time, cringing at the way my stomach showed. I pulled on the plaid shirt, and buttoned up the bottom. It covered the bruises nicely.

I brushed out my hair, grabbed my keys and skateboard, and headed to the car. Just as I thought, the car refused to start so I started the long path that ended at my school. When I finally got there a little voice in my head prickled to life.

'You really shouldn't go in there. Something bad will definitely happen when you cross through the gates'

'Pssh. what could happen' I told myself as I walked through the gates.

Pro tip: If you ever hear that nagging voice in your head, LISTEN TO IT! IT IS THERE FOR A REASON! IT IS THERE TO SAVE YOU FROM BEING KIDNAPPED BY THE WEIRD INCEST TWINS IN YOUR SCHOOL'S HOST CLUB! This has been a PSA from Diana. Thank you for your time.

Anyways, yeah as soon as I entered the courtyard Hikaru and Kaoru were waiting. They dragged me into a suspicious looking limo. Surprisingly there weren't creepy kidnappers in there, just the boys of the host club. Who are actually pretty close too creepy kidnappers when I think about it.

"This is kidnapping. I could sue you guys for this." Tamaki gave an overdramatic gasp.

"How could you ever think we would kidnap you! I would never let my daughter get involved with anyone shady." Is he for real?

"First of all, I ain't your daughter. Second of all, you are super shady." Tamaki started growing… mushrooms, at least I hope they're mushrooms, in a corner of the limo. I sat in slightly pouty silence until we arrived at this huge glass domed waterpark. It was huge and freaking awesome. "Where are we?" My voice came out unexpectedly high and breathy.

"This place is a brand new theme park that my family, the Ootori group runs.

It's called the Tropical Aqua Garden." Kyoya popped up right beside me and I let out an embarrassing squeak and jumped. While I gave glasses one of my strongest death glares Haruhi asked another question.

"I don't understand. I thought the Otori group ran hospitals and that they're focused on the medical business, Kyoya senpai." Well that's a good point. Why would a bunch of doctors open up a resort?

"Yes, but my family likes to diversify and try different things. Besides this place could be classified as a healing facility. It's therapeutic. Think of all the people who are overworked and would just love a vacation in the south tropics. However, they may not be able to get the time off or they may not be able to afford it. Those people can now seek refuge here at this theme park and reduce their stress levels. The Ootori group's primary concern has always been for the good health and well-being of the general public." Damn. That's the most I've ever heard Kyoya say in one sitting.

"This just sounds suspicious to me." Yes, very. I bet we're just here to test out the water park and make sure it's safe. If it can withstand Tamaki and the twins, it can probably stand most natural disasters.

"The park doesn't technically open until next month, but the host club was given a special advance invitation." Do I actually count as a member of the host club. I haven't done very much in the way of body guarding. Whatever, I'll just enjoy this marvelous park, and maybe eat some mango cake.

"Um, I didn't bring a bathing suit, and I don't think Haruhi did either. Do you guys have anything for us to wear or..." I looked around and noticed a nice looking changing room near some, oh god are those real, palm trees. "Did you stock the room with suits? And oh who am I kidding, of corse you did."

Haruhi and I began walking to the changing room, but before we got there we were intercepted by these two creepy maids.

"Miss Fujioka, Miss Diana, please come with us!" They grabbed us and yanked us into two separate rooms. The room was dark, I could barely see my hand and it was right in front of my face. "I've been asked to help you find a bathing suit." Suddenly the lights flickered on. The room was filled with about a hundred different suits, each one fancy and probably super expensive.

"Um, thanks but, I don't need a bathing suit. I'm fine with what I'm wearing." I turned around to leave but this bitchy maid blocked the door.

"Please allow me to choose one for you then." Well I guess I'm not going anywhere then.

"No. I'm not going to wear a bikini."

"But this one would look so cute on you" She brandished a dark blue bikini with lace around the waist and bottom of the chest.

"I'm good."

"What about this one." This one was better, a baby blue color with white polka dots.

"This could be cute." It was way too young for me. Bubble gum pink with a bunny on the right boob and left hip.

"Definitely not."

"How about this one?" A tiny scrap of fabric made of red ribbons.

"That one's only a couple of strings!"

"You know what? If you get out, I'll put on a sensible one piece"

"Fine." She left and I dug through the pile of bathing suits until I found one that I kind of liked.

It was a white and navy blue striped one piece hat covered all of my stomach but dipped low enough to show off most of my back. The straps holding it up were the kind you tie around your neck, and they were knotted in a cute bow. After spreading some salve on my stomach and praying that it was waterproof, I yanked on the bathing suit.

When I walked out I saw tamaki blushing super hard and pushing an ugly cover up at Haruhi. It was a pity because the bathing suit she was wearing was absolutely darling. I walked over to the pool and plopped down on a lounge chair. My god it was wonderful here.

"So you're not going to swim?" It seemed like Haruhi had put on the ugly ass cover up, and the twins had noticed.

"Hold on, can you swim!?"

" I can swim just as good as the next guy, but this isn't my idea of fun. I'm not that big on water parks. We're just gonna spend all day goofing off. Honestly I'd rather be at home. I don't understand what's great about this place, anyway? I mean all you really need to play in the water is a plastic pool."

"I dunno Haruhi, I think getting too relax at this fancy ass resort is nice. I can work on getting a tan or something." Of corse I'll probably just get sunburned, but what can you do?

"Yeah, but I'd rather be doing something useful, like chores, instead of running around" Damn. I need to start doing my chores. I gotta do laundry, water the houseplants, and run the dishwasher. Fuck!

"Well I'll agree that I should be doing chores right now, but I'm lazy enough not to care." Haruhi chuckled and plopped down in the lounge chair closest to mine. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything the ground began shaking and this crazy looking chick with brown hair, a black bikini, and a tattoo on her hip.

"I heard there was a new member in the host club!" Nice to meet you, I'm Renge. The manager of my darling Kyoya's club." Ohhhkay. So this chick is obviously crazy, and I need to sprint the fuck out of here. Wait! As I looked over her outfit I realized she looked like…

"Are you cosplaying as Quon Kisaragi form La-La?" For a girl who seemed crazy she sure did a good cosplay. Now that I looked at the outfit's details I realized she was a pretty close match. All that was missing were the distinctive light blue eyes.

"Yes! Do you read the magazine." OMG, is this girl a fellow otaku. I might've just made a new best friend. I'm glad I came here.

"Um, Duh. Did you see the latest issue. I can't believe Kohina would betray Quon like that. They were supposed to be best friends." Every form of media I consume had righters that are evil. I swear, someday I will find a book of TV show that doesn't rip my heart out and rip it in half.

"Aggghhh. Spoilers. I have to go read the new issue. Later." the podium descended into the ground, and the boys stared with a mix of confusion and shock.

"So boss," Well the twins sure recovered from that surprise in a flash. They pulled out two water guns. Well shit was about to go down. "How about we have a water gun fight!"

"It'll be me and Kaoru against you. If you get it in the face, you lose. What do you say?" While Hikaru explained the rules and kaoru got Tamaki all riled up by telling Haruhi they were getting married, Honey crept up on me with a plate of cake in one hand. Haruhi was talking with Zuko at the bar.

"Want some Mango cake?" he brandished the plate at my face.

"Maybe later, how about we chill in the wave pool?" Honey nodded in agreement and jumped into the pool as I gingerly eased myself into the water. It was nice and warm, and it helped a bit with the ache in my stomach. Honey grabbed my hand and began dragging me too the center when suddenly this huge wave swept honey and I into this huge jungle place. Fuck.

I faintly heard people screaming our names as we got pulled further and further down river. Honey washed up on the shore a few feet from me. We quickly got to our feet. I surveyed the terrain. Why the hell did this park have a fully functional rain forest? Oh well, at least it wasn't raining. Suddenly several fat drops of water hit me on the head. In seconds it was a full scale downpour. OH COME ON!

"Dia-chan, we should probably try and find our friends."

"Yeah. Let's get going." We walked carefully through the forest, trying to stay near the river bank. Suddenly I had a great idea. "Hey Honey senpai, If we climbed up in the tree's we could see the whole park and use the vines to travel. It would be faster than walking through this roughed up path." He nodded in agreement.

"Wow Dia-chan that's a great idea. You're really not as dumb as Hika-chan says you are." Wow, a real compliment- wait. Not as dumb as Hikaru says I am. Oh that little bitch. We are going to have words and maybe fists when I get back to the main group.

Honey shimmied up a tree and I followed close behind. Pretty soon we were swinging through the trees on vine after vine. I heard a shout, and after I cleared a few more trees I saw the whole picture. Zuko was holding Haruhi and they were surrounded by a group of soldiers. I was about to engage them when Honey came flying out of the tree in front of mine.

If you thought I was a beast, you've never seen that munchkin fight. He was a tiny ball of fists, fury, and blonde hair. By the time I got to my friends, Honey senpai had decimated the soldiers. All I did was sit back and watch as the fighters started telling him what an honor it was too get beaten by THE Haninozuka. What were they, masochists? Weirdoes. I helped Haruhi get back on her feet while the highly trained personal fighters bowed their heads and got a 'don't mess with my friends or I'll beat your ass so hard you can't walk for a week' talk. That sounded oddly sexual. Ooops.

Honey ran forward to meet our missing friends. Wait, we were the people who went missing. Weird how your perception shifts the world around you.

"Takashi, you did an amazing job of protecting Haru-chan. I bet you were pretty lonely without me around, huh?" I don't think so. He had Haruhi too chill with, and she's pretty great. I bet he actually had fun. Or whatever his weirdly lacking emotions would allow him to perceive as fun.

"I don't know if I'd say that." Was that a smair. OMG, that was a smirk. That's the first smile I've ever seen on his face. This momentous occasion is deserving of a party. Or at least a cupcake. Maybe a brownie? I could really go for a brownie right now.

"Y'know maybe we should go to the beach next time." Hikaru's voice snapped me out of my sugar centric daze. I opened my mouth to tell him that was a great idea when Tamaki chimed in.

"You idiots, Haruhi is not interested in anything like that."

"Actually, going to the beach sounds nice. I may not like this silly waterpark, but I do enjoy the ocean. It's so pretty."

"Yeah. Alright. Then that's where we'll go next time." Tamaki did that weird thing where he made an 'L' with mis pointer finger and thumb and put it on his chin. Why does he do that? Was it something his parents did, or did he watch a lot of soap operas when he was younger? The world may never know.

"Well, let's go home. If we're going to the beach tomorrow, we'll need a good night's rest." With that point made Kyoya began speed walking to the limo while the rest of us jogged to catch up.

When we finally got home I went straight to bed. Even though I wanted to fight, glasses had a point. If I wanted to function well, I'd need a crapton of rest. I also probably couldn't fight very well with an injured stomach. The last thing I need is internal bleeding or a ruptured spleen or some shit like that. I jumped onto my bed and got a long, calm night of rest and relaxation.


	8. Chapter 8: I just wanna feel sexy

**(This corresponds to episode... eight. Yup it's eight, I just checked. This episode is also known as** ** _The sun, the sea, and the host club_** **also, Aiden my or may not appear this chapter.)**

Urg mornings. Don't you hate it when you're having the most fantastic dream ever, and it's just starting to finish, like you're at the climax of a movie, and then BEEP BEEP motherfucker you'll never know what happens because your alarm rings. Then you wake up all the way and realize that you're not in dream land, you're in a bedroom. Also your stomach is killing you because your dumb ass got kneed in the stomach at an illegal cage match. Like an idiot.

I heaved a gigantic sigh, and put on my uniform. Hmm, is this going to be an overnight trip? Should I pack my bathing suit? Will toiletries be provided? Will I need to provide food money? Will we go souvenir shopping? I wish I'd stop asking myself unanswerable questions. Wait! I have Haruhi's number.

D: _Yo gurl, what should I bring too the beach_

H(aruhi): _*girl, *to .And you should pack a change of clothes, pajamas, your uniform, and a bathing suit. Also toiletries and sunscreen. At least that's what I'm bringing._

D: _Grammar Nazi. Thnx_

H: _No problem, wanna walk too the limo together?_

D: _Sure, see u in 10_

H: _Cool_

I packed my bag and headed downstairs, when I noticed Haruhi wasn't down yet, I took a seat on the bottom step. I saw a redheaded woman waving Haruhi down the stairs with a duffle bag a few minutes later. She was wearing a blue shirt and some khaki shorts.

"Was that lady your mom?" She was really pretty. I wish I had red hair like that.

"Actually that was my dad." Oh. OH! Wow, does crossdressing run in the family? Okay that was rude. You can't just ask that.

"Oh. Cool, is your mom okay with the crossdressing or…" I don't think there is any right way to end that question.

"Actually, uh, my mom is dead. She died a while ago." Shit! Why did I have to bring up her mom. I probably dragged up bad memories.

"Oh shit, sorry! I didn't mean to remind you of her death or anything." I started having a mini panic attack.

"No, no, it's okay. I've gotten over it" Good for her. It's been a long time and I still can't think of mine, and she died when I was twelve. Why can't I be more like Haruhi. Well, I guess she doesn't remember every memory with excruciating clarity like I do. We sat in a slightly awkward silence until a familiar looking limo pulled up.

You've never felt real joy until you've had an awkward pause and a mutual friend rolls up and delivers you from the awkwardness. When Tamaki sprang from that van and hugged us while delivering a speech that was about something along the lines of 'oh my beautiful daughters are bonding, they're getting in touch with their femininity together. What a joyous day', which I honestly didn't listen to like at all.

"Chill Tamaki. Also I ain't your daughter. I already have a dad, I don't need a new one." While he went into his little mushroom corner of depression, I looked over at Kyoya.

"Are we really going to the beach today?" I'd never been to a beach before. Dad was always too busy, and I couldn't exactly drive myself because I only got my driver's license when school started. Kinda pathetic, but my childhood, or lack of one, never really bothered me.

"Yes, while I may not be the most trustworthy, I do try to keep my promises." Wow. How oddly sincere.

"Um, cool. Let's get going" I put on a smile that anyone who knew me would see as fake, and headed to the car with my packed bag. As soon as I got situated, everyone else seemed to decide that I had the right idea. I ended up sitting with Haruhi too my left, and the Hikaru to my right, with Kyoya right in front of me.

I wish Zuko could've sat next too me. I bet he would've let me lay my head on his shoulder. I was super sleepy because, well I really don't know why. It was just one of those days when you don't feel like doing anything. I tried leaning on Hikaru, but he kept shoving me off, and Haruhi was putting out some major please don't vibes.

Eventually I was way too tired to give a crap about nudges. I plopped my head down on Hikaru's lap, and tried sleeping. While he did put up a bit of a struggle at first, I eventually heard Haruhi slap him and tell him to let me sleep. She was such a good friend.

 _/ Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

I was walking through a dark forest. The path was barely there, little more than a deer trail really. It was almost twilight, and I couldn't seem to find my way back to base camp. Dad had blindfolded me, dumped me in the forest, and told me to track him.

Dad was always telling me that these tracking things were necessary. That one day I would be greatful. That I would need these things if I ever wanted to follow in his footsteps. It had always been my dream to be a special ops soldier, but at this moment I was starting the road to reconsideration.

I kept at the trail. Soon I was almost back at the camp. I could picture the smile on my dad's face. 'Good job Diana' he'd say in that voice that he only used when he was pleased 'What a smart little soldier you are, what a great young woman you'll become'.

I smiled, and promptly took my eyes off the trail and fell off a cliff and into a ditch. I skinned both my knees. There was blood all over the rocks and the leaves. My pain was all consuming for a few moments, I couldn't move, couldn't speak, all I did was sit there. Then I cried. I cried and cried until it was night time. I cried and cried and thought that dad would come looking for me. But he didn't.

I spent the night in that ditch, trying desperately to stay warm. In the morning I realized that if I didn't make it back to camp, dad would just leave me here. I got up and trekked the rest of the way back. Up the side of the cliff, down the river trail, out of the woods. I walked until I saw the beat up old junker dad called a car.

The blood on my knees was dry by the time dad saw me. He didn't really say anything, just grabbed some water and a cloth and handed them to me. I cleaned my own cuts, and bandaged them too.

Dad just watched while he sat there, cleaning the dirt out of his nails, watched his little daughter as she wiped her cheeks and asked if they could go now. He started the car, and as we drove away he looked me in the eyes and said:

"Being soft and strong is a combination very few have mastered, little one. Even I haven't been able to be both in equal measure, but you my angel , today you have proved to me that you have. I wish I could tell you how proud I am." And then he looked back at the road.

It's this moment I remember when I lay at home alone and wish he were there. This moment is what I hold on to when I hurt myself and no one is there to help me. This is what I keep close to my heart, when I try desperately not to hate my father. It is by far the best memory I have of him, and that may be sad too you, but it's beautiful to me.

 _/ End Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

"Diana… DIANA!" My mind barely registered someone trying to wake me up. I groaned and nuzzled my head deeper into my pillow. It was nice here, very warm. I gave a contented kind of purr, definitely not a moan of pleasure, nope totally not, and dove back into the dream state.

"Haruhi, help me!" the voice whisper screamed. I ignored it.

"I don't know what to do!" A different more feminine voice whisper screamed back.

"Should I lift her up, or like shift her over or what!?"

"Lift her I guess"

"Any tips?"

"Look, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I know what to do with her." Suddenly two hands awkwardly grabbed me under the armpits and hoisted me up. I most definitely did not like that!

"Nooooo" I groaned out, as I desperately clutched at the body next to mine. I cuddled up into the side of the guy next to me. For some reason I could never sleep until I curled up into a tiny ball or cuddled the thing beside me to death, or at least near suffocation. Suddenly a loud voice in my ear made me snap out of my sleepy trance.

"DIANA. GET. UP. NOW." I gave an embarrassing squeak and jumped up. I guess all that whining helped Hikaru's volume because holy shit could that little bitch scream.

"The fuck was that for!?" I muttered as I rubbed my aching ear and sent him a death glare.

"You don't remember!?" He matched my tone, sounding incredulous. Was he the guy I was hugging? Oh dear lord above I hope not.

"Were you the person I latched onto," When he nodded my face flushed redder than a tomato. "Shitshitshitshitshit, I am soooooooooo sorry! Whatever I did I didn't mean to do anything weird. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, it's just that-"

"Hey hey, um… It's fine." An apology? Well that's unexpected. I thought he'd be giving me a serious verbal smackdown for daring to cuddle his majesties royal side.

"Thanks uh, how about we pretend this mess never happened?" Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

"Uh sure," YES! Maybe luck decided to shine down on me and bless my godless existence. Suddenly Hikaru got an evil glint in his eye. Well fuck. "But I'll only do it if you agree to try on a dress when we get back home." I should've known the other shoe would drop. When is life ever easy.

"... Fine!" God help and forgive me, ayyy Hamilton referance,but I really gotta do this. I will never live this down otherwise. Besides, it's only one dress, how bad could it possibly be. These are going to be some famous last words, aren't they? Well, you can't take back words said aloud.

"Let's go to the beach house, I gotta stow my shit. I'm sharing a room with Haruhi, right?" Thank god for having another girl around. I'd go crazy if I had too room with one of the customers, or worse, one of the hosts.

"Yeah." We walked over to the house standing as far away from each other as possible. Well this weekend is going great. What an awesome start. A twinge of pain in my stomach alerted me to the fact that A) I had an injury and B) said injury needed to be checked on.

"Sorry Hikaru, but I gotta jet, see you later." I took off at a light jog and soon I reached the bedroom. I quickly unpacked my toiletries, I just left my bag near the bed, who actually unpacks their bag for an overnight trip I mean really you only have one change of clothes and some PJs, and got out my salve. As soon as I had my shirt rolled up, I heard the door open.

"The heck are you doing Diana?" Haruhi didn't even seem that shocked, just mildly surprised and perhaps a little intrigued. What's a convincing lie to sell? Tripped down stairs? No, too easy to disprove. Maybe I got in a fight? Well, it's kind of the truth. I'll use that

"Uh, I got in a fight with a guy. He hit me in the stomach. I won the fight though." Well, that's a great way too end it. By the look on her face, Haruhi didn't believe me. "Look, It's the only acceptable version of the truth that I can tell you" Her face got a concerned look. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Oh well.

"Okay. Whatever you say. We'll be at the beach, put on your bathing suit and head out when you finish…" her voice trailed off when she had too describe what I was doing. I finished spreading the salve.

"Yeah yeah, I will." She waved her goodbyes, and I shimmied on my bathing suit. This one was also a one piece, I wasn't showing my greenish yellow stomach around anyone. It was baby blue, and like the other one tied around my neck. Unlike the one I wore to the waterpark, this one had a steep v-neck that ended a few inches shy of my belly button, and a back that dropped down to my mid back. It had little white polka dots.

I loved it for some reason and I wasn't really sure why. It made me feel girly, and pretty, and feminine in a way I just didn't in my normal clothes. It was nice to get guys to look at you every now and then, even if normally that's the last thing on your mind most of the time. I bet Tamaki will have an aneurysm when he sees it. I gave a little smirk, and walked my first steps onto a beach.


	9. Chapter 9: EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!

I was right, Tamaki did blow a gasket. His face slowly turned into a tomato, color slowly creeping up from the bottom to the top. Weirdo. He would probably hit me with a lecture. Or use a disappointed parent act too try and get me to change. Little did he know this was the only suit I had packed. Sucker.

"It's Not proper for a young lady too show this much skin until she's married!" HE was wailing as he flailed around the beach. "Daddy wants you to go put on a proper bathing suit! Do it right now!"

"How many times do I have too tell you, you ain't my pops. Also this is the only thing I brought. Suck it." I sashayed away while Tamaki went into a major emo corner, trying to find a good place to set up shop. Somewhere with a good vantage point, so I could see everything that was happening, and somewhere accessible, so if something happened I could rush over.

I spotted a cliff. Not the best, it would be a bit hard to climb. As I surveyed the area, I realized it was the best spot around. Guess I gotta use it then. I shimmied up, and realized that this was a lovely vantage point. I could see everywhere, from the ships on the horizon too the small town surrounding our beach house. Cool!

Once I climbed up the cliff I set up shop. I spread out my towel, pulled out my latest book, a dystopian romance called _Matched_ , and pulled out a bag of trail mix. It was going to be a wonderful day, I could feel it in my bones. After getting decently far into my book, I realized I should probably stop telling Cassia that she should just kiss Ky and get it over with, and start making sure everyone was safe.

Turns out my timing was spot on because Tamaki was just standing on the beach with the weirdest look on his face. Was he having a seizure!? I rushed down, and ran up too Kyoya.

"Is Tamaki okay!? Is he having a seizure!?" I sounded pretty tense. Maybe I should try too get some chill. Kyoya gave a little smirk before answering. He was such a smug asshole.

"Tamaki is fine. He does this all the time." He gave me an amused once over, before writing something in that black book he carried everywhere. Wasn't he worried about the ocean ruining it, I mean I would be. The sand gets all over everything no matter what you do.

"Haru-Chan, Dia-Chan! Wanna go Hellfish Shunting" Honey ran up in a flurry of sand and… tiny… pink… flowers. Weird.

"I think you're trying to say 'shellfish hunting'. But this doesn't seem to be that kind of beach, Honey senpai. You're not gonna find many shell...fish…" Her voice trailed off as she turned around and noticed the all the junk that got put there by some Ootori solisers. I guess they felt bad about trying to attack Honey. "What the hell? No way!"

"Mori senpai. My family's private police force has stopped by. They wanted to make up to Honey senpai for attacking him at the water park. So they brought shellfish." hah. My intuition was spot on, just as usual.

I watched in amusement as Honey and Haruhi ran around picking up as many shells as possible and talking about a fancy seafood dinner. That did sound nice. It had been a while since I'd had any kind of crab. Suddenly a bunch of girls spotted a bug.

Gross. Haruhi threw it into the ocean. For some reason this made all the girls super impressed. My god, they really need to get some autonomy. There isn't always going too be someone there to protect you. Honestly, being that dependant on others is a disaster. While I mentally scolded them, a cute little lizard crawled up to me and started climbing until it landed on my head.

"Diana! There's a bug on your head" one of the girls was screaming and pointing. I gently pulled the little guy off my head. He was just adorable, I set him on a rock and watched as he scampered away, probably back too his lizard family.

While the girls talked among themselves about how 'manly Haruhi was, and how 'completely amazing' it was that a girl could get rid of such a pest. Oh my fucking god, it wasn't that scary. Just how sheltered are these little pansies masquerading as functional females?

"Now I know most girls aren't really the bug-loving type and I certainly didn't think you two were, but…" Hikaru got really close to Haruhi and I. My god, is personal space a thing of the past!?

"Don't you think you could've been easy on that little guy?" I suppose that was mostly directed at Haruhi. Side not: Why do the twins always finish each other's sentences? It's like, really creepy. They almost remind me of the twins from _The Shining_ , but male, and gingers, and teenagers.

"Oh come on. It takes more than that to kill an insect." It did? Wow, guess insects are tougher than I give them credit for. You go insects, be that strong, majestic, slightly ugly, you that you can be.

"You guys aren't normal, shouldn't girls be afraid of insects." That bitch. Girls can be stronger than guys. Not all girls are afraid of mice and insects. Get a realistic view of society before making sweeping statements like that. Wow, what a feminist rant. I never knew I felt so passionately about the issue. Perhaps I should pursue this in the future. Or not, I'll probably be too lazy to do anything.

While I was zoned out, and Haruhi went back to picking up shells, the guys had apparently had a meeting. When I looked up they were dispersing. Well this can't be good, I'm going to flee the scene of the crime. I got Kyoya's permission, and walked straight into town.

_-_-_-_- Time skip pip kip slip-_-_-_-_

I think eating icecream while window shopping in a beach town is one of the best things that I will ever do. While I was walking down main street in my bathing suit, with shorts on to preserve modesty or some shit like that, I saw a familiar face in the crowd. No way… was that

"Aiden!? Holy shit, is that you!?" When he turned around, I realized that, yes indeed, this was the guy whose face I had bashed in. His nose was already healed, probably with witchcraft, and he looked fresh as a daisy. Fucking lucky. My stomach still needed a week or so of healing.

"Diana!? What's a cutie like you doing here?" Does this guy ever stop flirting, or is he stuck on the fuckboy setting forever?

"Just chilling, I'm on a trip with my… School club?" He raised his eyebrows and gave me that 'really' look. Damn it. Why did that last part sound like a question? Of course they're a school club.

"Well, I know milk does good for the body but DAMN how much did you drink?" Pick up line, really. What a cheese. I'm starting a battle with this guy now. Cheesiest line wins.

"I'm sorry do I know you? 'Cause you look a lot like my next boyfriend." As soon as I said it he gave me a look like 'bitch this battle is on'

"Yeah, actually I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?" Well done. I mentally applauded him for giving me a line that made sense within the context.

"Remind me, aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" We started walking back toward the beach.

"So tell me, do you believe in love at first sight or should I pass by again?"

"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for."

"Thanks. I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did." Wow, I've actually never heard that one before.

"Hello. Cupid called. He wants to tell you that he needs my heart back."

"Tell me beautiful, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?" Urg, groan. I'm going to use my favorite rebuttal on that truly horrendous line.

"No, but I did chip a nail climbing out of hell" He rolled his eyes.

"Come on. We were having a nice battle, did you have to screw it up with a put down." Bitch please.

"It's your fault for using that lame ass pickup line. At least mine were slightly original."

"As if, I've heard all of those at least a thousand times a piece."

"Well at least I wasn't thinking about using the Tennessee line"

"I'm insulted. I would never stoop down to that level of cheesiness"

"Yet you used the Heaven line. Don't talk to me about cheesiness."

We bantered as we walked, and soon we reached the beach. Nothing big was going on, some girls were chatting with Tamaki, Haruhi was chilling on a towel, and the twins were…

"Honestly, Where have you been all day!?" Right in my face lecturing me apparently. Hikaru wasn't shouting, but he was pretty damn close. There was a razor sharp edge in his voice, and I didn't feel like getting yelled at today.

"Chill, Kyoya knew I was gone. Nothing happened, so you shouldn't care." He narrowed his eyes, but before he could say anything I snapped. "Look, stop being a little bitch. You aren't my dad, or my brother, so you shouldn't care. You don't have any right to judge who I go out with, or what I do. Get your head out of your ass and realize that I don't answer to anyone but myself."

I calmly walked over to my cliff, Aiden in tow, and sat down. While I curled up into a little ball of anger and self righteousness, he got comfy on my towel. After a few seconds of awkward silence he opened his mouth to say something.

"So, do you wanna talk about what just happened or sit here silently?" Well sitting here in silence doesn't seem too bad, but talking about this stuff with someone who isn't in the host club is a pretty rare opportunity. After a few minutes of fidgeting and weighing pro's and con's I decided talking was the best option. How bad could one little touchy feely heart to heart session be?

"What should I have said? I know I'm not the best person at emotions and stuff, but I realize that was definitely not the best way to handle things." I shouldn't've snapped at him. He probably hates me now. I didn't want to start a fight, I just wanted him off my case. I hope things aren't weird between us now. I hope I didn't ruin another friendship. I hope-

"All things considered, it's probably the best you could do considering the circumstances." I was snapped out of my… worry session thing, when he answered. I guess he's right. I mean, it's not like I plan for these things just incase they happen. Still, I could try being nicer.

"I know but… I could stand to be a little nicer. I didn't have to be a total bitch about it" I squeezed my legs into my chest. "I just don't think very well on the spot, y' know. It's like when I argue with him, I just start exploding. I don't think, words just come blasting out of my mouth."

"Well I don't know you very well, but judging by what I've seen, you don't seem like the type to think anything through on a normal basis." He turned around and gave me a shit eating grin. I smirked and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"Yeah but… just… I can usually, like, keep myself from… well from being totally horrible. I can hold back the flood of profanity and insults." He pondered over this for a few seconds before he got this look. Like the perfect answer to all of life's questions was given to him by an angel of the divine lord in a shower of love, happiness, and puppies.

"Say Diana," He gave me a sly grin. This was not going to be good. I could feel it in my bones. "Do you have a crush on anyone?" EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! I most certainly did not have a crush on that little [censored for extreme profanity]. I can't believe he'd ever insinuate that!

"I-I can't believe you'd ever even… just… how could you…," My face was approximately the color of a tomato which Aiden probably took as proof. Along with my stuttering. And my inability to say anything. I took a deep breath. "I do not have a crush on Hikaru!"

"Sure you don't. Also your name isn't Diana, and the world is flat." He shot me a self satisfied smirk.

"You've found me out!" I placed my hand on my forehead and leaned back dramatically. "My name is actually… Elise Francis. And sadly, the government is lying to you, the world has always been flat. What a horrible tragedy that you had to find out like this." He rolled his eyes.

"Look, as much as I'd love to stay and chat, I've gotta jet. See you tomorrow?" I waved and said goodbye as he walked into town. He's never going too let me forget this is he?


	10. Chapter 10: KINKY!

_OMG guys I am so sorry. I broke my arm, and I had to have my friend type all of this up. I should've updated more. I know it's probably not as good as the others, but I put this chapter out to try and keep the story going. The next chapters will be longer than normal to apologise. Please forgive me._

After I moped on my rock for a bit longer, I decided to talk with Haruhi. Since she's the only girl, it's only natural for me to go talk with her about this sappy crush stuff. At least I hope so. She doesn't look like someone who's had a whole lot of crushes before. Maybe she'll have some advice she picked up from girls at the club or something.

" Hey Diana" She was walking back from some kind of cave, looking pretty chill. I wonder what was going on over there. Some other girls and the twins walked out soon after I plopped down onto Haruhi's towel. Now I was really suspicious. Hikaru must've felt my gave or some shit like that because he looked over with a sneer. I looked away.

"What's up with you and Hikaru?" Everything. I sighed and hunched my shoulders. I'm a bit of a weenie when it comes to confrontation. While I may be the person who started the fight, I'm rarely the one who finishes it.

"I may have hypothetically been, like, really mean to him when he asked where I was. Like 'fillet you with my razor sharp tongue while calling you all kinds of unsavory names, and basically snapping at you for no reason' kind of mean." She patted me on the shoulder and nodded sympathetically.

"And will you hypothetically apologize?" I rubbed the back of my neck and ducked my head down.

"I might hypothetically avoid any kind of confrontation after an argument." She gave me a deadpan.

"You also might hypothetically be an idiot. Go apologise because he," she jabbed her finger at Hikaru. "Isn't going to. Don't let one argument ruin what could be a nice friendship." I groaned.

"Yeah but, I don't know how to apologise. I usually only fight with my friends, and they can tell what the jumbled mess of syllables spilling out of my mouth actually means when I make amends."

" Oh come on. Man up Diana, you fought some guy and won. Surely using your words can't be that hard." She has no idea. My goodness, when I try to apologise I start stuttering like an embarrassed school girl confessing to her crush. Never mind how bad my blush gets. He'd probably lauge right in my face, or back sass me.

""Look, if I were going to apologise, do you have any tips about how to do it?" I bit my lip and carefully peered over at Hikaru. He was playing beach volleyball or something with his brother. There were girls on the side screaming about how 'OMG they're shirtless'. I would call them thirsty af, but I was having similar thoughts so I really can't blame them.

"-iana, Diana, DIANA!," I snapped out of my trance when Haruhi screamed at me. Like yelled directly into my ear. Which really hurts.

"OUCH. What was that for weirdo!?" I rubbed my ear while waiting for my answer.

"You were seriously zoned out. Anyways, if you want to apologise, I'd suggest getting it over with. He's going to make things harder and harder for you until you guys make up" Well great. It's what day ten in this club, and I've already made an enemy. I applaud myself.

"So should I just stand up and walk over or let him stew for a few days?" She took a second to ponder the query, side note: isn't queary a weird word? It's like one of my favorite words to say because A) not a lot of people who I know know it B) it's just fun to say and C) It's in all of the cool older books I love reading.

"You should probably apologise right away, but if you're really that uncomfortable about it, waiting can't escalate the situation too much. At least, I hope not." Great. With my luck, I'll never be forgiven. He'll hold that grudge until his brain oozes out of his ears.

"Great. Very comforting Haruhi." while she walked away chuckling I decided that right now I needed a nap. After curling up like a cat under a towel that may or may not be Tamaki's I fell into a deep sleep. Which as you MHP, know means that I had a weird dream that probably ends up in me crying. There is a reason that I exercise before I go to bed most of the time.

 _/ Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

It was a few weeks after my mother's untimely death. I had locked myself away in my room with all the lights off and nothing near me but laptop. I basically became a vampire, I never turned the lights on and I barely ate or slept. All I did was work on my laptop.

I went on quite the arcane arts craze. Every sight I could find was quickly plundered for information. I drew sigils over and over until my hands got stuck in a pinched position, I chanted until my throat was raw, I memorized ritual after ritual until I could tell you which pagan god did what and exactly how to summon him off the top of my head.

I didn't really know what I was doing. I guess I was looking for some way to get my mother back. Logically I knew that it was impossible, but really I didn't care, I just wanted some comfort. I tried every summoning spell in the book, in multiple books, and nothing worked.

My dad was worried. Like really worried. He finally put his foot down and revoked my internet access after a solid month of… well I'm not quite sure what to call it, but it's probably something around the lines of vacation or hermitage. Soon I was back in public, and reconnected with most people, but I never did forget all the knowledge. I can still tell you how many virgin sacrifices you need to use to summon Ba'al, and which sigil you should make with their blood. Pretty gnarly, right?

 _/ End Dream Time \\\\\\\\\_

I woke up just as the sun was starting to set. Someone had set a jacket over me to replace Tamaki's towel. How considerate. I folded it up and stretched my shoulders and arms. That was an oddly untroubling sleep. It didn't look like anyone was around except for these two girls on top of a cliff.

They were calling to Haruhi, huh guess I'm not alone out there. I was about to go tell the girls to be careful, one of them was awfully close to the ledge and I didn't want her hurt because that would cause paperwork, when these creepy probably drunk guys walked up. SHIT!

I scrambled up the rocks, but apparently I was loosing my touch because before I was standing on the ledge there was Haruhi. She threw a bucket of shellfish at the guy before he grabbed her. Fuck! He was going to throw her off the cliff. Just as I ran forward, hoping I could stop him, she was chucked off the cliff.

I beat the guys asses, and made sure that the girls were okay, but I couldn't do anything about the only other girl in the host club except maybe pray that she didn't hit a rock or drown. By the time I had torn ass down the cliff and into the spot of ocean where I thought I saw Haruhi fall, the club was rushing out screaming her name. Tamaki picked her up out of the ocean and wrapped his shirt around her. He looked really worried and kinda angry.

"The girls all went back to the hotel and I called a doctor. He should be arriving here any minute now." Kyoya was as in control as ever. I wished I had that kind of presence of mind. Haruhi stirred in Tamaki's arms. She sat up a bit and clutched the shirt tight around her shoulders.

"I'm fine, you guys. I don't need a doctor." I opened my mouth to say something, but stopped when Tamaki began absolutely whaling on Haruhi in a bout of slightly unjustified anger.

"What were you thinking? You know, you're not like Honey senpai or Diana Chan. You're not a martial arts master. Why did you confront them? What made you think you would stand a chance? You against two boys?" Haruhi put on her resting bitch face as soon as he started talking. She probably took offence about the whole 'you're only a poor little girl who must be protected' thing. This was going to be… interesting.

"But it doesn't matter that they're boys and I'm a girl. I was there. I had to do something. There wasn't any time to think…" While her voice trailed off Tamaki's gained strength.

"That's no excuse, you idiot. Don't forget, you're a girl." Haruhi got a dangerous face. She was going to deny that this had anything to do with her. To be honest, if this were my place to speak, I'd agree.

"Look, I'm sorry you had to come and save me, senpai. But I don't understand why you're so mad at me right now. I don't think I did anything wrong." She picked herself up out of Tamaki's arms and cracked her shoulders. Then she turned around and started walking back to the house while the twins followed. Poor king Tamaki yelled something about how she would regret this, but I wasn't even sure she heard.

I apologized to Kyoya about not getting up the cliff in time, he added some money to my debt, and I started walking back to my room. I was going to have to call Akio and ask him what to do with Hikaru. He was my only guy friend, and I needed to see this from a male perspective.

When I got to my room Haruhi was changing in the bathroom. That was smart. I should probably put on my jammies. The only question was: did I pack the overly lack lingerie nightgown that was super comfy, or the slightly less risque short and t-shirt combo? I half wanted to wear the sexy nightgown to see everyone's reaction. Sadly for me, I appeared to have packed the short and shirt combo.

I decided to call Akio after dinner because as soon as I was changed the most wonderful smell began floating into the bedroom. It appeared all the crabs we picked up were going to good use. I waited for Haruhi to leave, decided I couldn't wait, and sprinted into the dining room.

There was a feast waiting for me when I arrived. I ate so many crabs that I really didn't notice much else. Including the incredibly awkward dynamic between Haruhi and Tamaki. At least, not until Tamaki stormed out in a huff. I wonder what just happened. My confusion must've shown on my face because Mori pulled me aside and explained things when I left to call my boyfriend. Well not my boyfriend, my friend who was a boy.

I had just walked into my room to get my phone when I saw it. Kyoya and Haruhi pinned to the bed by her wrists. The lights were all turned off, but Haruhi didn't look scared. Was this normal!? Were they dating!? Well, if Haruhi liked it rough, I wasn't one to judge. I picked up my phone and left ASAP. Just as I had worked my way into the hall I heard Tamaki screaming. Guess he found Haruhi and Kyoya too. I decided to ignore all the scary, complicated, way too hard to decipher romance to them and called Akio.

"Di-Di! So nice of you to call!" I smiled just hearing his voice. It was nice talking to old friends.

"Yeah, yeah. It's nice to talk to you too. Hey! Is your brother dating anyone?" This was a pretty good time to ask about the thing with my BFF and Kyoya. Were they doing the nasty? Was Kyoya capable of any complex feelings other than annoyance?

"Have you met my brother!? That stick is so far up his ass I'd be surprised if any girl could stand him for a whole five minutes." WHAT! This means that he just assaulted Haruhi. How was she so chill about that! Wait wait. Okay, if Haruhi wasn't flipping out, then he was probably just trying to prove a point. Kyoya was a good guy, I'm sure he wouldn't hurt a girl like that.

"Wait… WHAT! He was just in my room on the bed with my newest BFF!"

"KINKY!...He's probably only proving a point." Whew. Akio knew his brother pretty well, so I had to hope it was true.

"Yeah, I figured" He chuckled. What was so funny!?

"In the five seconds it took me to say that. Anything else you wanted to talk about?" Time to bring up the Hikaru thing.

"Um yeah. SO... there's this guy who I _accidentally_ ranted at for no reason, and now he's ignoring me. Should I apologize?"

"Accidentally?" I could practically see his eyebrow raising. I scowled and sat down on a nearby bench. I had accidentally wandered outside somehow. Weird.

"Yes! Now I would apologize immediately, but he'd just make fun of my stutter, and he's definitely not smart enough to understand if I try to be subtle" He gave another small chuckle.

"I'd just get it over with as soon as possible. Meet anyone new other than mystery guy and the rest of his club?"

"This guy named Aiden. He's fun, has godlike muscles, and seems nice."

"How old is he?" How old is he? Probably no more than 17 or so. Maybe 18 at the absolute oldest

"Like… 17 or 18"

"How long have you known him?"

"Like a week. You should come down and meet him. I think you'd make a wonderful couple!" He did a girly kind of squeal and giggled. Yes giggled. Aki was weird like that.

"Maybe if I have time. Just make sure he's gay this time. Remember the last guy you tried to set me up with?" Indeed I did. His name was Nathan, he had been my friend for a year or so, he was very friendly to everyone, and unbeknownst to me he was secretly dating a very sweet girl named Valentine. Aki said it was the single most embarrassing thing he'd ever done.

"Fine. Fine. See you soon?" I wish he could just live at my house, but he has a job, and a life, and other friends, and something called social skills. I bet he'd pop over this weekend though. He liked seeing me once a month at least, and I liked that too. It was comforting to know he'd always be there for me.

"This weekend. Later skater." Before I could say anything he hung up. I smiled fondly before I walked back to my room.

My first big mistake was not knocking. I guess the weird Kyoya stiff wasn't bad enough for Haruhi because this time the self proclaimed king of the host club had her blindfolded and deafened with earplugs. What kind of creepy kink was that!?

"MY EYES!" I let out a horrified banshee scream after I yelled out the words. Haruhi, bless her heart, began trying to rip off the stuff before the rest of the club came running, but she was far too late. The twins arrived and started shaming Tamaki for being an S&M pervert while Honey did his best to comfort me. We left immediately packing all of put stuff into the limo while Tamaki ran screaming for us to let him in.

"I see. Well now I know what S&M is. I can't believe I almost let you get away with it." Haruhi deadpanned out the window while I laughed my ass off beside a very uncomfortable looking Hikaru. Oh yeah! I had to apologise. I took a deep breath and-

"Hey, Diana. Um.. I'm sorry for ignoring you." What? What even is this life? Did he just apologise? OMG he did. I saw Kaoru nodding and lifting a thumbs up in the corner. So he forced his brother to say hue was sorry. Well, even if it was forced I'd take it. I'm not super picky.

"It was my fault actually, so sorry. Apology accepted." He looked just as surprised as I felt. I smirked. This was going to be an interesting rest of year.


End file.
